England is my Narnia, and I Am Finally Free

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Today was a perfect fall day, a little cloudy, and a little sunny, with gorgeous red, gold, and orange leaves covering the ground and trees. It even smelled like fall. Even a florist in town is finally selling pumpkins! It is a good day to be alive.

I finished my essay on Sherlock Holmes (no, he is not a sociopath. He does have emotions), and chilled the rest of the day. This afternoon was so gorgeous that I had to take pictures of the leaves. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon staring out the window at the beautiful world God created that I get to experience.

We like to go through life in a rush, wishing it to be some time in the future; perhaps a wedding, a birthday, a concert, a holiday. We almost never take the time to stop and look around us; to look at the world, the nature, the people, the places. We are too stressed, too busy, too in a hurry, too worried. I am just now learning that this is not a good way to live life. I’m learning to live in the present and what a difference it makes! I’m happier and not as worried, and I am not wishing it to be a time it is not and getting disappointed because once I reach that time it isn’t what I though and so on and so forth.

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Today I took the time to just sit in front of the open window and listen to the sounds, watch the birds and the squirrels, and think. As some of you know, I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I did not realize until I got on the medication that I had forgotten what being happy really felt like. To me, being happy was feeling ‘ecstatic’ over the release of your favorite movie or book. It was feeling ‘excited’ to see my family and friends. That is, if I did even feel excited or ‘happy.’ Because it was very fleeting and never stayed for long periods of time. It was as if it were a shadow of the real thing. And sometimes when I should have been happy, I wasn’t. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel emotions, I just didn’t process them in the same way, except for sadness. Sadness was always with me, dogging my every step, plunging me into deep darkness in the recesses of the night. I could never escape this emotion. Most of the time it was out to get me, not at all like Sadness in Inside Out. This sadness was evil. It was a pit that I could never escape, only sink farther down. It was the lie that I wasn’t good enough and perhaps shouldn’t even be here because no one wanted me. And it covered happiness with a dark goo that clouded it so I could never experience the good the way it was supposed to be.

When the medicine started to work, that darkness lifted for the first time since I can remember. It was like stepping into a world of color. Suddenly all the emotions and senses overcame me in the way they were supposed to be. I told my boyfriend Nick one night that I had no idea that this is what happiness was. I was finally in the light. I finally didn’t believe the lies that had been a part of me for so long. I am loved and wanted. I am smart. I am important. I am happy. I am at peace. I am finally me.

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Today, looking out that window, I felt what it was like to be happy to be alive. And it struck me that I had not thought that before. Not like this. I am at peace. I am happy. It was wonderful to just experience God’s love.

Last night I was watching Prince Caspian in the background while I wrote my essay. I’ve seen it so many times, it can sometimes just be white noise in the background but still helps me write. As I watched the end when the Pevensies have to go back, I suddenly felt myself tearing up. When Regina Spektor’s song ‘The Call’ came on I had the strangest feeling of happiness and sadness. And I realized, that the ending of Prince Caspian is what it will be like going back to the States. Coming to England was like the beginning of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. It is a new place, a dream come true, a wonderful adventure. The beginning of ‘The Call’ is the beginning of the adventure: ‘It started out as a feeling, which grew into a hope.’ Going home will be the ending of Prince Caspian, having to say goodbye when not wanting to, with the promise of perhaps coming back in the future, but not knowing when. ‘Just because everything’s changing, doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before…You’ll come back when it’s over. No need to say goodbye…doesn’t mean you have to forget. Let your memories grow stronger and stronger, ‘Till they’re before your eyes. You’ll come back when they call you. No need to say goodbye.’

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England is my Narnia. It is the place that, to me, was the adventure I wanted if I couldn’t get to Narnia through the back of my closet. It was the adventure I wanted because I couldn’t go to Middle Earth or Hogwarts. But yet, perhaps I could, through Great Britain. Perhaps I could have an adventure. And so I dreamed. And I found the way that God opened for me. It wasn’t the way I expected. It wasn’t when I expected. But that’s the best kind. That’s how you go on adventures, when you least expect them. That’s how you get to Narnia.

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I’m on my adventure to my Narnia, and the best part is, I am able to experience it the way I should be. I am able to sit back and appreciate and enjoy the UK and, the places, and the nature. I am able to just listen and look and take in everything, while thanking God for this opportunity. I am able to get properly excited about getting to do things like going to see Benedict Cumberbatch in Hamlet and see a Shakespeare play in the Globe. I am able to really truly have fun with my friends. And most of all, I am able to feel happy about everything. And to laugh and smile like I’ve never laughed and smiled before.

The Weekend of Shakespeare

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Shakespeare’s House

So basically, the title says it all.

I finished my essay and Julia, and Chelsea, and I headed to London to pick up our tickets and chill out before Hamlet with Benedict Cumberbatch. We got off the bus at Baker Street which was neat, but we couldn’t really explore, and I’m pretty sure that there isn’t actually a 221B Baker Street. At least that’s what I have heard. We didn’t have terrible seats, which was nice. It was so much fun to see the film equipment all over the theater. They had some really nice cameras, a jib, and a dolly. That in and of itself made me really excited.

And then the curtain lifted. And there was Benedict Cumberbatch, sitting on the stage.

I really can’t explain it. It was the best play I have ever seen in my life. The staging, the lighting, the set design, the acting, the music, the special effects, and like everything else, was almost too perfect to be a play. It was gorgeous. The acting was amazing. Not just Benedict (who did a superb job!) but everyone. I have never seen a play where I did not like at least one actor. But they were all so good. The music added a whole new element and made everything more creepy and awesome. I wish I could have it on CD. The set design and lighting was jaw dropping. I’m pretty sure I was one of the few to actually notice the lighting because it was so good, you really don’t notice it (that’s the beauty of really good lighting, you don’t notice it). The stage was HUGE. It just kept going farther and farther back. It was gorgeous. The stage also set the scene and mood. And the special effects? Well, let’s just say jaw dropping. I can’t really describe it but at the end of the first half, the uncle has just talked about having Hamlet killed and suddenly tornado like explosions of “dirt and rocks” (I think some are actually real) shoot out from all over the stage. It literally looked like he was in a tornado. I have never seen something like that before in my life. When the curtain lifted at the second part, the stage was full of piles of “rocks and dirt” that looked so real (apparently they were plastic things) that basically made me wonder how on earth they got it on the stage, moved it, kept it, and cleaned it up. But actually there was only a small amount of dirt on stage. It was just very realistic! The way I took it was that the war zone feel meant that Denmark was crumbling.

Unfortunately, because it was filmed, Benedict did not come out the stage door, so that was disappointing. But it was still awesome to see the play obviously.

Then, today (Saturday) we got up early to go to Stratford Upon Avon to see Henry V. Henry V is my favourite history play (Hamlet is my favourite tragedy and Twelfth Night is my favourite comedy). It also holds special significance to me because of being in it my spring year of my Sophomore year. On the way there we saw so many cute little English towns. Really, they look like the movies and I want to explore! So many old buildings and many actual thatched roofs!!

We got to the Royal Shakespeare Company and I kinda found a masquerade mask that was pretty cheap, I bought a programme, and I got a shirt that says “Once more onto the breach dear friends, once more.” A bit of an impulse buy, but totally worth it.

The theater looked like the Globe sort of, but with seats. We happened to have some REALLY good seats!! And the play was good. Not quite as good as Hamlet, but, seriously one of the best Shakespeare plays I have ever seen. The guy who played Henry was amazing. He did such a good job! The costumes were great. They had some good special effects and music too. It was very minimal props and staging because that is how original Shakespeare was so that was cool. The best part was probably the acting which was on point. Basically, these actors had been doing Shakespeare for so long. They got so into it and they were so animated that they brought the show alive so well. Also, the guy who played the French Constable was Robin Hood in the last Doctor Who season. I kind of geeked out. He was great! And the guy who played the Chorus was in Star Wars 1, 2, 3 and Polonius in David Tennant’s Hamlet. It was an amazing time with friends.

And then this evening, we celebrated Melody’s birthday. She’s 21. I love the friends I have made here. They are just so awesome. 🙂

Of Almost All Nighters, Harry Potter, and Writing

Since the last time I wrote, I have had so many adventures!

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It started the night after I got back from Scotland. A small group of us decided to go to the Eagle and Child because Marc and I had never been. It was such a nice quaint little pub, if a little cramped. And they had Tolkien and Lewis quotes all over the place, but at the same time, it was such a town pub, that it wasn’t a tourist attraction. It’s interesting because it seems like people in the states are more obsessed with Tolkien and Lewis than people in Britain. At least, in Oxford. They don’t even have a class on Tolkien and Lewis.

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Elissa and I decided to take a break from work on Saturday and go around to Christ Church and New College, which were two places where they filmed Harry Potter. Christ Church’s staircase and Great Hall are used in Harry Potter 1 and 2. The hall is not used as much because it is so small compared to the one they wanted, so they built a Great Hall in a studio modeled exactly after Christ Church’s. We couldn’t see the Great Hall because it was being used for something, but we did find out that we can go there for brunch on the weekends as students and therefore, Elissa and I both plan to go as soon as possible. Eat in the Great Hall which is like Hogwarts? YES PLEASE!

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It took us awhile to find the courtyard in New College where they filmed. At least we are college age because I’m pretty sure we went in a bunch of restricted to the public areas. We finally found the cloisters and again, it was as if we were in Harry Potter. The cloisters are so old and are exactly like the ones in Harry Potter (Christ Church’s also look almost exactly the same and they based the ones in the movie off of both of them if they didn’t actually film there). And then there was the tree where Moody turns Draco into a ferret. It was such a photogenic tree that Elissa and I kept getting photos from all angles. And I got pictures of the parts of the cloisters where the actors walked or stood because, yes, I’m going to fangirl over Harry Potter, and I might as well because I am living in an old city with beautiful architecture where they have filmed movies.

My Creative Writing tutorial is super fun. Our prompt for this time was to describe a room. I had so much fun with it and ended up writing half of it outside in the morning, because it was a beautiful fall day, and the other half at Starbucks and Cafe Nero. I think I rather like writing in coffee shops. No wonder many great British writers (like J.K. Rowling) write in coffee shops. It’s a nice environment.

My prompt for my Victorian Literature essay was to compare Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice and Mr. Thornton and Margaret Hale in North and South. It was a super fun prompt and I got to read most of the books again and watch the movies (the long BBC versions!). But when it came to the actual writing of the essay, I suddenly had writers block. There was no reason why I should have. I loved the prompt and the stories, and I knew what I wanted to write but I couldn’t get it down on paper. This happened for two days. Finally I had to force myself to write because, well, it was the night before it was due (aka, last night), and I kind of needed to write the essay. Finally, after talking to Jessica, taking a 20 minute nap, and drinking coffee at 10 p.m., I got unstuck. Unfortunately, since I was still in the writing process at that time, it resulted in my first Almost All Nighter. I finished the essay (with edits) 10 minutes before 5 a.m. I have never done that before. Currently I am running on adrenaline and caffeine. But my essay actually turned out pretty well for the circumstance, and I really like it, and my tutor really liked it! However, I don’t recommend that for every essay. I think I will try to be better.

Anyway, at this point in time I have a few awesome things to look forward to this weekend. One of which is seeing Benedict Cumberbatch in Hamlet tonight. And going to see Henry V on Saturday at Stratford Upon Avon done by the Royal Shakespeare Company.

God’s Creation is Truly Beautiful.

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God’s creation is truly beautiful. Take the time to stop and look around you. Most of us just go through life not actually taking the time to look around them at the world they live in. Not just the birds, animals, trees, and flowers, but also the wonderful people who inhabit the planet. I think sometimes we just see all the bad on the news and all the horrible things that people do to each other that we forget that there are really very kind and generous people. In America, many people go around grumpy and irritable, and it can be hard to even get a smile out of someone as you pass them on the street. In Scotland, we did not meet a grumpy person. Everyone we saw said hi (and Cheers!), and all of them smiled. People helped us find places to stay or eat, and if we had to ask for directions, people wouldn’t glare and mumble, they would generously try to help to the best of their ability. I’ve grown up in Central OH for so long, and I am so used to people not greeting each other on the street, not even making eye contact. If you do, you look away quickly instead of saying hi. Sometimes you will get a grunt, and sometimes a glare (Yes, I have gotten this from people). It was even a culture shock for me going to KY for college because people were a lot more hospitable and nice, and they smile at you if you make eye contact. I’m not saying that all Americans are horrible people and not nice, I was just blown away by the fact that people in Scotland (and in England as well), are generally nicer, kinder, and try to help. The Scots especially are very proud of their country. They all seem to have a better outlook on life. They aren’t overworking themselves. And they appreciate other people and the place they live.

The last day of the trip dawned bright. Again we were worried about where we would stay because the wifi wasn’t working (duh! We were in the wilderness) and cell service seemed to be there, and was, but wasn’t working either for some reason. But since it was Sunday, we decided to not worry and enjoy God’s beautiful creation. He had looked out for us until now by putting people and opportunities in our lives the past few days, and we were sure he would continue to do that.

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The view as we climbed up out of Crianlarich’s valley was one of the best of the entire trip. (also as a side note, if you have short legs and you overextend your stride, you will get shin splints. And shin splints hurt almost worse than migraines. Don’t get them). Anyway, clouds and mist had shrouded the hills on all sides giving an otherworldly feeling to the landscape. I wish I could describe it, but the only thing I have is, it felt like we were standing on a mountain looking down at earth from the clouds and admiring all its beauty. Which in a sense, is what we were doing.

The first half of the day we were walking in beautiful woods, up and down a hill, sometimes coming out into magnificent views and sometimes staying in the wood. Towards lunch time, we ended up walking through fields and tall grasses again. We passed a small loch that has a legend around it about a lost sword. It dates back to the Jacobite rebellion. We were starting to get to the part of the trail where a lot of Scottish history and of the Jacobite rebellion were prevelant. We walked through a battleground of the rebellion which was really interesting because I had never walked through a battle ground before. It really did still look like a battle had happened because the plants didn’t grow quite so thick and it looked very desolate.

We stopped for lunch in Tyndrum. I was starting to get really tired, but we still have 7 more miles to do, and we had to get there by six because that’s when the bus was leaving to go to Glasgow (we had finally found a hostel in Glasgow for the night).

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The last leg of the journey took place mostly walking among the tall grass along the hills. Every corner we seemed to turn had a different view. And there were many many many sheep. We all loved talking to them and the sheep would stare back and then run away. It was quite funny. I was pretty tired, but still enjoying the landscape so much. Right before we got to the Bridge of Orchy, our last stop, we met a man called David Seagrave. He is a photographer and puts together model railroads. He has Aspergers and loved to tell us stories about himself and the surrounding area. He was so knowledgable. Also, look up his work, it is quite good.

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The bridge was so neat and reminded me of the bridge in the Doon series by Lorie Langdon and Carrie Corp (look it up, it is my favorite!).

And then we left the highlands. It was quite sad to be in the bus retracing all of our steps the past 4 days in a matter of 30 minutes.

The last night in Glasgow we went to another Scottish pub. This time a guy was playing guitar and singing. He was quite good. They had football (soccer) on and American football on another screen (apparently people over here are obsessed with our food and also really like American football? Oxford has an American football team. Who knew that the Scots and the Brits liked America so much. I just found an American food section in Tesco. That was funny). The bartender actually put American football on the screen by our table because he thought he would like to watch it. We didn’t so we kept watching football on the other screen.

Also, just as a side note, do try sticky toffee pudding. It is one of the best desserts ever.

It did not rain until we pulled out of Glasgow bus station.

And I read most of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on the way back.

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Scotland was amazing. I can’t quite believe I had the opportunity to hike in one of my favorite places on the planet. It was so much fun going with Jordan, Isaiah, and Marc  because we were all so happy to be there and were all geeking out over the beautiful scenery. It is truly a trip to remember. No wonder Harry Potter is set in Scotland. No wonder so many authors (including J.K. Rowling) have gotten ideas from the Scottish landscape. It is so perfect for that. And now I want to go back so that I can write books in the Highlands.

Of Story Ideas, Mud, and 22 Miles

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The fun thing about this trip is the fact that on the trail, Jordan and Isaiah decided it would be a great time to write songs and sing songs and have Marc record them. Marc also recorded some of our hilarious conversations including one with me talking about Toothless and How to Train Your Dragon, and how I used to have guys write me on Facebook. Apparently the reason they had crushes on me was because I used emoticons while writing. At least that’s what Isaiah told me. We had so much fun telling stories and getting to know each other, while laughing and having so much fun.

Day three started out a little bad. We missed breakfast and didn’t have much cell service to figure out where we were going to sleep for that night. Plus the midges started to bite which was not fun. So needless to say, we were all a bit grumpy but tried to still put on a good attitude because we were in Scotland.

The scenery soon started out beautiful as usual. It was a partly sunny day, but still no rain, which was beautiful. This time we were hiking along Ben Lomond so it was mostly trees with the Loch next to us. Much of it was walking over large rocks and trying not to trip on tree roots. But the forest was beautiful as it was changing into fall.

We stopped for a nice lunch at this nice hotel and finally figured out a place to stay for the night. The only problem was it was in Crianlarich. According to the map, we weren’t supposed to go there until the next night. We had already hiked 7 miles, and we would need to hike 14 more to get to Crianlarich by nightfall. So we decided to take the challenge!

After a little while we left the forest and arrived in a valley where the path sort of left and we had to forge our way through so we landed in quite a bit of mud. I sunk up to my ankles (which in one sense was good because I was wearing Chacos, but I also don’t like mud so…). So trying to find a place where I would step with the least amount of mud was interesting, I sort of didn’t do a good job. I dropped my phone in the mud, and then thoroughly mad a fool of myself by falling down. Jordan tried to help me up, but I just slid more down the hill. So that was interesting. Luckily most of the mud was on my feet which was nice. I washed them in one of the many streams that crossed the path. The water was so cold and clear. It was nice.

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The next part we got to was the part I wanted to see on the Highlands. The grass and heather and hardly any trees. The path was super tiny and basically wound through the wilderness. It was like walking in one of my books. And then the incredible happened. I FINALLY got unstuck in my second book of the Eiowing series. I have been stuck in that book for about 5 years I believe. The wind was blowing just right, the sky was just right, the world was just right for believing that anything was possible. It was as if I was Eiowing walking through the Highlands. It was as if the Highlands were just as untouched as they were years ago before the Jacobite rebellions. And perhaps, some of the area is. It was so quiet and beautiful. It was the adventure I always wanted, just hiking through the heather on a hill, looking at the beautiful world around me, on a quest for something. Even though I was exhausted, it was wonderful.

We kept our spirits up by singing because by the time it hit 6 o’clock we were so tired and sore. Jordan had my backpack because my shoulder started to spasm badly. But it was neat walking through the grass, looking at the cattle and the sheep while twilight descended.

It was getting really dark by the time we saw the sign pointing towards Crianlarich. We had to walk through a dark scary wood to get to the town, Marc told a scary story. It took about twenty minutes to find the hostel, but it felt so good finally finding it. It was a nice place.

We went to a Scottish pub for supper. A legit Scottish pub in a small town, complete with people watching the final Rugby match and drinking beer. Isaiah was so hungry he ordered 2 dinners (the portions were huge) and he ate them all, including some apple pie. The guy who served us did not think he could do it. After he finished, the guy came over and asked Isaiah if he was an American basketball or football player. Isaiah did play football for a little bit. The guy said: “I have to go tell him.” Apparently the cook asked.

On the way back we saw a lot of townspeople in kilts. Because of course, we were in a small town in the Scottish Highlands, kilts are a must. Also, there were several guys who were hiking the trail in kilts. Yes, Scottish people are very proud of their country.

And that is the end of day 3.

Concerning Hobbits, Loch Lomond, and Climbing a Hill

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The next day we left Dryden and Francis and continued on our way. The sun was again shining and today promised to be as amazing as the day before. It wasn’t long before we were climbing through another wooded area and the view opened up. This time it wasn’t just the Highlands but also Loch Lomond in the distance. Again, being up so high gave us a view we couldn’t believe. And suddenly we were hiking through the tall grasses with a large Loch within view.

The area was highland with few trees and very very beautiful fall colors adorning the tall grasses of brown, gold, purple, pink, orange, and even in patches, bright bright green grass. That was one thing about Scotland that was very interesting, there was no brown grass other than the tall grasses on the hills. Every bit of the shorter grass was so green and so unlike fall grass back home. Also, the birds still sing in the fall which is not at all what they do in America. With the trees starting to turn, and the crispness in the air, it was wonderful. And we started to see more sheep as we went along. Once overhead, I saw a Falcon and heard it’s cry. (Oh, that is one thing I forgot about the post about the first day. We saw a guy who had a golden eagle, just showing him off and talking about him in the middle of Dryden’s square. It was enormous!)

While stopping for lunch in with the loch view on our left and Conic Hill in front, we sat on the stone wall and just looked around the countryside while Marc read us the first few pages of The Hobbit. It was perfect.

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And then we started our climb of Conic Hill which was quite a feat and very amazing. The view just kept getting better and better as we climbed higher and higher. Marc, Jordan and I climbed the rest of the way to the top and saw the most amazing sight I think I have ever seen in my life. Conic Hill is pretty large and very tall. From the top we could see even more of Loch Lomond and the tiny islands that dot its surface. All around us the highlands rolled in hills of gold and the purple of heather. We stayed for a bit and I sat down to write but didn’t get much down because I just wanted to take in the view forever. I wanted to stay, but we had to keep going. That was probably my favorite place of all time.

We climbed down the hill (after meeting some Canadians and Americans that Isaiah (who had gone on before us) had talked to and told to look out for us). At the bottom of the hill there was this nice little wood. We stopped at a small town and had some delicious ice cream and talked to this older Scottish man (which Isaiah had also met before when he went on ahead), and we learned that Scotland in the Highlands had not had the warm (It had to almost be in the 70s) and sunny weather at this time of year for at least 20 years. We were shocked. God had blessed us so much to hike in beautiful weather!

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We continued on our way, this time, right next to Loch Lomond, no longer that high up in the highlands. The Loch was beautiful. It was neat to see the tiny tree covered islands and see the clear water. In America, I have never seen water that clear although I suppose that it is that clear perhaps high in the Rocky Mountains or something, but we have so much pollution that you can’t normally see the bottom of the lakes. In Loch Lomond you could see the bottom. The air was so clear and the water was so cold, and it looked like glass it hardly moved. Francis had told me that the water in that part of Scotland is so good that they bottle it and send it all over the world. And after tasting that water, I believe her. It tasted clear and cold and crisp, if water could. I’ve never had water that good. We could have drunk out of the streams (which we never did because we had water bottles, but we definitely could have because it wasn’t polluted and gross).

We met a girl from the University of Glasgow who was studying in the Highlands for a week. She told us not to go off the path because the ground is so soft you can sink up to your waist in mud (which she had done previously that day). The moss in the forest was so green. We climbed up one of the hills again and ended our hike in Rowardennan.

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When we got to the hotel (which we had booked that morning to make sure we had a place to stay. It was difficult finding one), we were expecting to stay in the bunk house but something messed up and we ended up staying in a REALLY NICE room in the hotel part which normally was like 80-90 pounds but the manager was so nice and let us pay 60 pounds total. We couldn’t believe it. We had a really good meal at the pub attached to the inn. I had fish and chips because the fish was from the Loch and fresh (it was the best fish I’ve ever had in that dish), and I ate it all even though it was huge. Then I had apple pie with custard over it. The custard was absolutely amazing.

And thus ends day 2.

The Beginning of the Adventure: A Hikers Tale by Elizabeth, Jordan, Marc, and Isaiah

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We took a bus overnight to Glasgow Wednesday evening and arrived bright and early while a thick fog hung over the city. After walking around and exploring a bit, we ended up at a Cafe Nero in this old building and rested before taking the train out to Milngaive (Muln-Guy) where the trail, West Highland Way, starts. The sun had risen by this time and it was promising to be a gorgeous day, perfect for the start of the trip. While looking for a bathroom (which are actually quite hard to find) we met a lady named Margaret. She was was a quite a hoot.

The start of the trail was mostly wooded. We started off by creating a story about how our journey would save the Trolls which were in bondage all over the world. It was quite elaborate and fun to create. Then we got lost. And found our way back after not too long. The trail is surprisingly actually not that well marked in places so it is easy to get lost. Luckily that was the only time we did. The map we took was quite helpful.

After a bit more walking in the woods, it opened up, and that was when we had our first taste of the Scottish highlands. It was breathtaking. The hills seemed to go on and on with no end, just getting taller and taller in the distance, shrouded in mists and covered in long brown grasses and reddish purple heather.

We stopped for lunch at a nice little place along the trail. They had a bunch of rabbits, ducks, and a goat (as pets, not food). The food was delicious. Then we continued on our way to Drymen.

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Almost at the end of our journey that day, we had climbed up a bit on a road and found an overlook of sorts over looking a large valley with highlands rising in the background, every which way we turned. It was so breathtaking. I can’t describe it.

We had decided at the beginning of the trip not to book ahead of time for sleeping places (which we were to find out later was a bad idea), and so we arrived at Drymen and went in search for a place to stay. The second place we looked at was a B and B called Kip in the Kirk (sleep in the church. It was literally a church hall converted into a B and B). We called the lady, Francis, and she gave us two rooms for 30 pounds per person, the same amount as the bunks. They were so nice, and she was a great lady. Marc fell asleep on the floor right when we got there, he was so tired.  She had a nice breakfast for us. When we paid her, she actually only charged us 25 pounds, which was so nice of her, that’s really cheap!

And that’s the end of day one.

Random Musings of an Oxford Scholar

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This week has been a whirlwind of emotions. (Yes, I realize that’s cliche). I don’t think I will ever get over the feeling that this is real. It still feels like I am stuck in a really good dream surrounded by so much that I love that I don’t have time to focus on anything negative. I’m not even negative about the 2 papers I am working on that are due Wednesday. I’m getting to use the best library in the world and write about any topic I so wish from the very extensive list!

I’m writing my first on, are Shakespeare’s histories history? I’m focusing on Henry V and Richard III. That essay is almost done. My second is how did the British attitudes towards war change during the first world war? I’m about finished with researching, but I am very torn up inside from reading first person accounts.

I’m becoming more comfortable with going around Oxford on my bike by myself and have found some cool shops and back ways to get places. And, I have, as of today, made it up Headington Hill with only resting for a minute or two. It’s a pretty large hill, but actually not as bad as I thought originally. It’s just that central OH literally doesn’t have any hills except for one that is not near my house so I haven’t ever had practice biking on hills. Let’s just say, I will have some nice leg muscles when I return.

I’m learning how to buy food for just me and how to cook really good food! I can cook chicken, and chicken and pasta. (yeah, mom, so diverse!) And I have eaten more PB and J these past few weeks than I’ve ever eaten because it’s an easy lunch to pack when I’m going to be out all day.

I’ve finally learned the library system and know where to find books and that the words “closed stack” means I have to order them because the library can’t keep a copy of every book on site. They have a warehouse literally filled from floor to high ceiling with boxes of books. It’s quite amazing. (I’ve only seen a picture of it).

I got to see Oxford University Press. Enough said.

The best story I think I have is from this past week. I ran/jogged 3 miles through downtown London to make it to the Globe on time. The play we saw was Measure for Measure which is, I guess a comedy, but is one of Shakespeare’s problem plays due to not being able to categorize it. It was pretty good, not one of my favorite, but hey, I didn’t mind. I got to see a Shakespeare play in the Globe. That was basically number 2 on my bucket list. Number 1 was going to England. The Globe was even better to see in person. I couldn’t believe that I was there. I still can’t believe I was there!

Anyway, so I ran 3 miles to get there, then we stood for 3 hours (but we were RIGHT next to the stage which was AMAZING!), and then we walked back 3 miles. Added to that, we went to Bath the next day and walked around the Roman Baths and the city. Let’s just say, my feet were full of blisters and not happy.

But, I get to see Benedict Cumberbatch in person in Hamlet in a couple of weeks. Enough said.

And I’m going to hike the Highlands in Scotland. What more could I want?

I think the reason that I can’t believe that I am here is that I have gotten used to be disappointed when I want to do or see something and it doesn’t work out. I’m used to dreaming but having people tell me that I can’t ever do what I desperately want to do. I’m used to thinking: oh, when I’m older I’ll do that or write that. I’m used to thinking that the adventure I so craved as a child was only in the books I read and not in real life, because who could ever do the thing they most want in the whole world? That’s only the happy ending of books you read as a child. It’s always too expensive or unattainable because you’re not smart enough or pretty enough. And heaven forbid you actually try to follow your dream, because you will most definitely fail.

Most people can’t follow the dreams they have because “that’s not real life.” Real life is waking up and finding you need to work a job you don’t even like, to live in a mundane world without the dreams that so fed you. For years I dreamed of going to England, in my mind, I convinced myself, it was literally just a dream. There was no possible way on God’s earth I was ever going to get there.

But for some reason, I never let go of the dream. I never stopped imagining. I never quenched that small flame of hope. Even though it hurt as dreaming so often does. (I found that out when I cried in the back of my closet trying to get to Narnia). I am getting to live my dream. I am actually here no matter how much I keep pinching myself and walking around wide eyed at what is happening. Growing up dreaming and not having the dreams come true made me almost think that dreams don’t come true. That’s why they are called dreams, right? They are fake and for children, and once you grow up, there is no more room for them. I dreamed of coming to Oxford, but the lie was that I wasn’t smart enough or that I wouldn’t get in because they wouldn’t like me.

And yet, I am living in another country, studying at one of the most prestigious schools, with the best library, and loving the culture. I am here because God told me to apply no matter what, not worrying about the money or the lie that I wasn’t smart enough. I’m here because God kept telling me that I needed to come, He kept opening those doors, and showing me, that dreams, when dreamed for the right reasons, really do come true. And not to give up just because people tell you that “perhaps this time isn’t the time” or “maybe you can’t handle this right now” or “you can still back out if you want” or “I don’t think that you should go if you are having problems with your bipolar.” Every time someone told me that, God would give me a nudge and say “this is where I want you.” I never doubted it.

Fairy tales are there to teach us lessons Most people would say that they teach us the wrong lessons about dreams and having good things happen, but I beg to differ. The stories are what led me here. The fairy tales told me to dream. The stories taught me how to dream and wish and look for Narnia in the back of my wardrobe. Because I believed, deep down I believed that dreams do come true. I will never stop dreaming. I will never stop wishing and hoping. I don’t want to become that adult who just goes through life in a black and white, grey sort of way. I want to see the colors. I want to see the opportunities and snag them as they pass by. I don’t want to keep believing that dreams don’t ever come true. Because life is infinitely better when you stop and think about all the wonderful things you have done and want to do. And every once in a while, a dream will come when you least expect it to. It will grab your hand, smile, and whisper: “Run.” And you go with it, until you can’t believe it’s happening.

First Research Paper and Photo Bombs

IMG_2617This past week I haven’t written much because I have been working on my first research paper for my British Landscapes course! It’s on King Arthur and the allure of the stories through the ages. It’s coming along pretty well. I finally got it down from the 2,800 words to 2,494. The paper max is 2,500. *shakes head* So typical of me.

Oh, and I biked in English pouring rain for the first time yesterday. I got soaked. My backpack got soaked. But my laptop was safe! It was quite an adventure.

IMG_2618I have had quite a few adventures today as well. I biked in Oxford for the first time by myself. I got honked at by a bus, and probably laughed at by a lot of people, because I didn’t understand a traffic light, and it was apparently green. Seriously, England’s streets and traffic signs are so confusing! I was a bit embarrassed once I figured it out. I had been sitting there for about a minute. Oh, and in England you bike on the road instead of the sidewalk unless it is marked. So getting used to that was an adventure in and of itself. I am finally not scared of buses passing me. Although trying to turn right at an intersection can be pretty difficult. Anyway, I accidentally followed a biker down the wrong road and found a back way to the library without any cars. That was pretty cool. Then I decided to sit outside today because it is 60’s and sunny out so the weather is gorgeous. I sat on one of the little alcoves on the outside of the Bodleian. Let’s just say, because it is a fascinating and large structure, lots of tourists take pictures of it. And because I was on the outside right next to the front door, I kind of ended up in a lot of those pictures. And I always seemed to look up when they took them so I accidentally photobombed. And then I noticed tourists taking pictures of me working outside. That was pretty funny. Most of the tourists around this area, at least at this time of year, are Asian. I had one couple who couldn’t speak English very well come up to me and ask to take a picture with me. I guess they either thought I was British or they just wanted a picture with an Oxford student. I’m not sure, but either way, that was cool.

Now that I got a lot done and I am starting the finishing stages of my essay, I am going to go to Blackwell’s (the best bookstore on the planet!) to get a British copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and Surprised by Joy (I get to read it for my English Seminar!).