Most of us know at least one person with mental illness. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness. 1 in 5 youth aged 13-18 experience a severe mental disorder. 2.6% adults live with bipolar disorder. About 16 million adults in the U.S. have had at least one severe depressive episode in the past year. 18.1% of adults experience anxiety, PTSD, OCD, or specific phobias. These are just a few of the statistics. And the chances of you knowing someone are very probable.

The issue with mental illness is that is silent. Many people have no idea that someone they know struggles every day with panic attacks or suicidal thoughts. Many people don’t know what is going on when they have thoughts they can’t explain or things they must do or they will die. When it is brought to light, people have no idea what to do with it. When you find out that your best friend struggles with depression due to bipolar disorder or regular panic attacks, how do you react? How are you supposed to react? Unfortunately, many people react the wrong way. And that can lead to bad consequences.

It is true that living with someone with mental illness, especially someone who has a severe mental illness, can be hard. However, the best thing you can do, is love someone. As soon as someone gets diagnosed with mental illness they are branded. It becomes their identity because the other people tell them that they are that mental illness; “You’re bipolar” “You’re OCD.” Don’t push people away just because you don’t know how to “deal with them” anymore. Take the time. Learn how to be there for someone who does desperately need you. Because even though someone with mental illness usually says they don’t need or want anyone we shouldn’t take that as a cue to walk away. We don’t have to be obsessive with how we hang out with people, but we don’t want to totally cut them from our lives. That’s the worst thing you can do to anyone who may need your help; just walk away.

To many people, especially those struggling with deep depression, they struggle with many deeply negative thoughts. For me personally, I struggled with thoughts such as: “I’m not loved,” “I’m not important,” “I’m not wanted,” “I’m not smart.” The worst thing you can ever do if someone tells you these things when they are really struggling is to say: “Try to think positively. You are always so negative. Stop telling yourself lies. You are loved, you are important. Just believe it.” These are just a few of the things I got whenever I would say things, even around my friends. Please understand: to someone living with depression and mental illness, this is their world. This is what they believe. And just like with any belief, you can’t just tell someone to stop believing it, to stop listening and be positive all the time. You can’t be positive unless you choose it. And for many of us with mental illness, it is not easy to choose it. Think before you talk. Be careful what you say. We can take it the wrong way, and it can actually make it worse. Sometimes saying something is not the answer. Sometimes just being there and showing with your actions that you are there for them is the best thing. Showing that you want to hang out, suggesting going to a movie or doing something to take the person’s mind off of the thoughts can be the best way to show love and that you care.

Another mistake that many people make when dealing with people with mental illness is to make them or tell them incessantly to get medication. Now, I don’t want this to come off the wrong way or to make it seem like I’m saying not to medicate someone who needs it. What I’m saying is, for many people, the idea of medication scares them. For me, struggling with bipolar disorder, I was scared to get on the medication because my best writing times happened when I was on an emotional high. I was scared it would ruin my creativity and totally change my personality. For many people, because the illness is part of their identity, they are afraid to change. And they choose not to get help because of this. The problem is, and this is where it gets tricky to say to people who don’t understand, do not force someone to get medication. They will fight you, and chances are, they will not keep taking the medication, and this is the worst thing. When you stop taking mental illness medication just cold turkey, it does weird things to your body and makes everything worse, even to the point of suicide. Do not pester them about getting medication either. This will make them even more averse to it. The best thing you can do is be loving and help them slowly to understand that they need help. For me, I had a lot of people tell me to get help before I actually sought it out. I finally sought it out because I was terrified of losing friends. This doesn’t always happen, and in some cases it may be too severe, and you may need to make the decision for the person to save their life. But in most cases, the person who needs the treatment should decide on their own to get it. You can help them, and most of the time, they will respond positively. Although, I’m going to repeat, I do not want this taken the wrong way, and I understand that there are many different cases and that people respond differently to things. I am just suggesting a different approach than force and incessant pestering, which really, in any case not just mental illness, does not work. I mean, do you like being pestered about something?